Inexplicably, my e-mail address seems to have wound up on the distribution lists of a number of PR people, who are now sending me press releases announcing new hardware and software a few days before the news officially hit the wire.

There are lots of problems with this setup. Notably:

• Since I didn’t ask for these releases, they’re unsolicited. Since they’re not addressed to me but mailed to a distribution list, they’re bulk messages. Since they’re transferred by e-mail, this makes them unsolicited bulk e-mail, which is the official name for spam. To say nothing of the fact that most of the e-mails include no obvious way to opt-out from future communiques.
• These are press releases, so they’re written to absolutely destroy my chances of gleaning any useful information whatsoever about the product being discussed. This is by design, as press releases focus on explaining what industry the product will revolutionize and how it will increase leveraged synergies for the manufacturer instead of, you know, telling me why the hell I should care about the product.
• Possessing no useful information about the product, and not having seen it since it hasn’t even been announced yet, what am I supposed to do with the “information”? Write or care about it, sight unseen, based on the press release?

So, new rules. I’m usually interested in both new software and hardware. If you want me to look at software you’ve built, send me a short technical description of why I should care, along with a link to a demo install if it’s a web app or a download link if it’s not. If you want me looking at hardware, send me the technical specs and tell me how, if you’ve managed to interest me, I can get my hands on a unit to play with — you can have it back in perfect condition when I’m done. In both cases, include the e-mail address of a technical contact, which is someone I can ask questions and expect intelligent technical answers. In neither case should you actually send me the press release itself.

Following these simple guidelines, dear PR people, will win you a reprieve from my spam filter despite the fact that you’re still sending me spam. Failure to follow them will, on the other hand, earn you a permanent date with said spam filter (he goes by “Bubba”) and cause me to report you to Spamhaus, your ISP for violating their terms of service, and inform the company you’re representing of your uncouth business practices.

Much love.